Friends

fine. I said it.

I feel calm tonight (2:40 am) so i might as well write (type) this down.

I don't really miss anything from the Philippines. I don't miss the temperature, the judgmental people, and all the crap there... except of course my friends. I don't have 20+ friends like other people though. I only have a few people I hold close to my heart.

Gab, Ja, Kaye, Ricky, Roxanne, Ej, Mavz, Jackie, Keith, and of course (I would never forget you) Hotdog, my dog.
See? I only miss 8 humans and 1 dog. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't regret leaving that country.

Life here is easier, but Canadians only think about work and keeping themselves busy and other crap. In school, they train you to be more responsible unlike in the Philippines where all you have to do is open your mouth and they feed you everything from elementary to high school that some of them are surprised in college because they really push you. I've been here 3 weeks in school and I've never been more independent in my life.

I have no choice really. I'm alone here. I can't rely on anyone like I did back at home. I can't really talk to anyone the way I used to talk to my friends. I can't find people like them here. But that's not really my goal. They're one of a kind. No one could ever replace them.

I can't even find myself laughing like the way I did with them. The people here are intimidating. The filipinos here are butt STUPID and they shy away from me because I'm from a private school worth $2000+ tuition fee. All of them came from public. I try making friends with other races, but they're just not... like them. My friends (the 8 of them, and Hotdog i think) get me. They know my quirks and my likes. They know more about me combined than my own father.

sigh... thinking more about them is making me bitter. Bitter for not having said goodbye properly in person. Sure we had a despedida party for me, but... I just didn't feel it. I wanted us to talk, or at least say somethings. In the end, I wasn't able to even hug each one of them. Just a fucking group hug, but it was nice. I don't like that (compared to one on one). I try acting cheerful, but it's just not working!!

fuck it. I'm crying again.