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It's been a while since I last posted here. Almost four months. In those short 120 days, I have moved to the country (which I think really is a freezer) known as Canada. Which is apparently the second largest country in the world but everything that happens to it is unnoticed by everyone. I thought they were just joking with this, but it actually is a fact. Their local news is strictly local and apparently all everyone ever things about is weed, smoking, and the weather. There's really no culture here, seeing as everyone are from other countries. No wonder it's invisible. U.N. must love this place.

For the past month that I've been here, nearly having an actual frostbite on my fingers, I've been distracting myself with almost anything. The birds, the sky, the freaking freezing wind, the sun that I miss oh so much, my hoodies, chores around the house, and only recently: my school. I still can't see this place as my home. I miss my old bed, my old room, the electric fan stuck on the ceiling, and most importantly: my pillow. I know. stupid. why miss a PILLOW. but i haven't had a good night's rest since I left. If people here have blankies and dollies, I have my pillow.Evrything is just so big and peaceful that I'm scared. I don't know why, but I'm used to DREAMING about peace and just being in a world with chaos and other whatnot.

Of course that's not the only thing I miss. There's still one particular topic that I don't want to type here yet seeing as I can't see the keyboard now. I think I'll leave that for later when the thought of not seeing them again in years would sink in. There's always a lump in my throat whenever I think about them in public. I'm just not ready to move on. I've hidden their photos in a box under my bed and deep in a folder in my hard drive which I rarely access, the blouse they've signed on is still at the very back of my closet. I just can't look at them now, knowing I'll just start crying again.

Until then, the best I could do is swallow the lump in my throat and act like I have ADHD.